Pretty shoes, painful feet

This has always been a problem for me. New shoes. I try not to think about my deformed toe that sticks out in a weird look at me sort of way but when it comes time for new shoes there's no denying or ignoring the baby toe on the side screaming at me "you might squeeze me into that shoe but i'm going to make you hurt the whole time!!! And when you're finally comfortable in your pretty new shoes, it'll be too late, I'll have worn my way right through the side and you can start all over." I hate that toe. So obviously I'm wearing new heels today. When I tried them on at the store they were fine, this morning I proudly slip the shiny toe killers on and "ouch!" they come right back off. I check the inside to make sure that it was my toe that hurt me and not a scorpian pinching me.... *sigh* it was the toe. Well i'm going to wear them anyway. They are pretty and new and i already threw away all my old shoes. I put them back on and hobble around the apartment a few times. I try to imagine i'm a runway model and I try to stride out stomping as I go, on the first step I yelled God help me!!! Time for a different tactic... baby steps. I baby step it for a few circles trying to balance mainly on the inner part of my foot, time for my big toe to pull it's weight. I've been told vaseline will help break in new shoes that are too tight so I glob some on in the "death to your baby toe" area and some more on the "i'll scrape your ankle raw" area... and i'm good to go... I think. It's a little slippy inside those pretty shoes now, but i'm out of time!!! I have to go to work!

Next obsticle: I go outside and my car is about 12 steps away from me but it is surrounded by ice. Black ice, white snow on top of black ice... *deep breath* I can do this, I have to do this. I get my balance on my big toes again and before I take each step I rub the ground with my foot in a circle to test the slippyness of it, I make it half way and I stop, time to think this through... the passenger door is closest to me, there is no reason why I shouldn't just crawl through that side!! It's right next to my driver seat!!! Brilliant!! I feel very smart at this point. I make it to the door and crank it open, crawl in on all fours and do a roll and tuck to end up right behind my steering wheel!! I feel like a charlie's angel, only one problem, my 4 inch heel is tangled in my purse and lunch bag and my right leg is securely fastened to the seat beside me. I really really really hope no one is watching. It's always at the point where you feel so pretty cause you took time to fix your hair, put on a new sweater and break in those beautiful, painful new heels, right when you feel tall and better than everyone else in the world that the roll and tuck knocks you right back down where you belong. I straighten up, look both ways and slowly back my way out and drive far far away from anyone who might be looking out there windows.

I have 2 last things I feel like I need to bring up today. I got to work early. There was a parking space right in front of my building!! That never happens... so I take it. There's no one's name on it, there isn't a handicapped sign, although with these heels people would have believed I was disabled, so i park and go in to my desk. I feel really guilty and just a bit scared that I shouldn't have parked there and within 5 minutes a voice comes over the speaker " will the owner of a Blue (the color of my car) , *long pause* *holding my breath eyes wide, heart pounding* ... ford escape licence plate number ------ please move your vehicle" I felt like a criminal until i heard ford escape and not dodge neon.
The second question I have is for my sister... how long have these cans of soda been sitting here and can it go flat still in a can?? I swear this sprite that i took my medicine with tasted a bit fizzless.