As I look down at my toenails, wishing I had not lost my clippers, I pull out the inner redneck in me and find the sharpest knife I have and go to work on the big toe's tonail. I'm not sure how it grew into a pointy shape but it was disgusting and catching on socks, pj's, jeans, rugs, unsuspecting puppies when they walk by...etc..etc so even though i know i'm getting a pedicure tomorrow with my sister at lunch, i just can't take another day of sharp, pointy toenail. Holding it very still I use my big butcher knife to shave little bits off at a time and singing along to White Stripes "Hotel Yorba"
"I been thinking
of a little place down by the lake
they got a dirty little road leading up to the house
I wonder how long it will take till we're alone
sitting on the front porch of that home
stomping our feet on the wooden boards
never gonna worry about locking the door "..........
hmmmm catchy and appropriate.
No catastrophe's and the knife is now in the dishwasher!
Let's skip ahead to my wonderful pedicure. Lindsey and I settle in for some relaxing scrubbing and lotioning and painting... so i'm getting the massage chair going, the girl is starting her routine with rubbing and scrubbing, the relaxing stuff so i close my eyes... "ahhh, that feels great, yup that's niiic...WOAH OUCH!!" That's all happening in my head, the only thing that happened in the chair however was my eyes popping open and me sitting up very straight, wanting to stretch my leg out and kick the chick that just ripped a layer of skin off of my foot and was still scrubbing away talking to her little friends on either side of her, definitely not noticing the squirming customer's foot she held in her hand. Finally she looks up, smiles and says "it tickles?" I grin what i'm sure has to be a smile straight out of Stephen King's the Shining and nod my head.
After she finally finishes rubbing lotion and other stinging items into my now open wound, we are finished! awwwww yesssss smooth feet, I never knew how smooth my feet could be without skin!!!
I will be eating Ice cream tonight.
i must say, i agree with your sister.. your day to day happenings are indeed amusing, but it's the way you tell it that is just as interesting.. :)
ReplyDeleteOh great! I'm just now seeing this post and it has me just a little concerned about the pedicurist you visit. Please don't let ANYONE use those little knives to cut calluses off. I don't know that is what she was doing (you didn't say), but if it was, don't allow it again. Calluses are there for a purpose and you can get an infection from cutting them off. Buffing or filing is acceptible if done gently and not abrasively. What part of your foot did she tear the skin open at? Is it doing okay now? If there is a next time, be sure to let them know the problem! Or find a different pedicurist.
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